Writing your own wedding vows can feel a little like staring at a blank page in high school English class. You know you’ve got a lot to say, but where do you even start? The truth is, plenty of couples wrestle with whether they should write vows or stick with traditional wedding vows. And honestly? Both are beautiful options. If traditional vows feel right for your big day, embrace them. But if you’re craving something more personal, a story told in your own words, then writing your own vows might just be the perfect starting point.

Think of personal vows as a chance to bottle up your feelings and share them in a way only you can. When done well, they can turn an already special day into an unforgettable one. But getting from “I love you” to “for the rest of my life” without sounding cheesy or cliché can feel impossible. That’s why we’ve pulled together this guide, part pep talk, part vow template, and part vow-writing hacks to help you get from blank page to heartfelt promise.

Step One: Start with a Vow Booklet (a.k.a. Your Archive)

Before you worry about perfect phrasing, start by brain-dumping. Grab a vow booklet.  Get a notebook. Write on an envelope from the mailbox, and just start listing:

• Things you love about your partner
• Inside jokes only the two of you share
• Personal moments that shaped your relationship
• Hopes for your future together

Don’t overthink. Don’t edit. Don’t worry about structure. This is your “archive,” the raw material that will eventually become your vows. You’re the only one who will see it. It’s time to spew out whatever you’ve got in your head. Later, you can polish and cut. But for now? Just get it all out. Think of this as the easiest way to get past the dreaded “how to start wedding vows” problem. Because once you have a pile of ideas, the rest flows a lot easier.

Step Two: Agree on Format with Your Future Spouse

Nothing spikes vow-writing anxiety faster than not knowing what to expect on the big day. Imagine this: you’ve poured your heart into a tight, two-minute vow filled with promises and personal moments. Then, your partner follows with a ten-minute monologue worthy of a comedy special. (Seinfeld called, he wants his gig back.) Not only does it throw off the flow, but it can also overshadow the heartfelt simplicity you worked so hard on. A quick conversation beforehand about length and style is an easy way to keep both sets of vows in harmony.

So, before you each disappear into your corners to write, chat about your vow basics:

• Length: Aim for less than two minutes of speaking time. Short, sweet, but still packed with love.
• Tone: Romantic? Funny? A mix? Agree on a general vibe so you’re in sync.
• Format: Will you use a past-present-future flow, or something totally different?

This doesn’t mean you have to show each other your drafts (surprises are fun), but agreeing on structure will make sure your vows harmonize beautifully.

Step Three: Use the Past-Present-Future Approach

If you’re staring at that blank paper, wondering how to turn random notes into sentences, here’s a proven structure: the past, present, future method.

• Past: Share how your love story began. (“When we first met, I had no idea you’d change my life forever. Yadda. Yadda. Yadda”)
• Present: Acknowledge who you are as a couple today. (“We’ve grown together, laughed together, and I promise to always support you, even in the toughest of seasons.”)
• Future: Commit to what lies ahead. (“I promise to love you unconditionally, and to be your ride or die.”)

This structure works because it feels natural, covers all the big emotional beats, and still leaves room for personality. Plus, it echoes traditional wedding vows without being so vanilla.

 

Step Four: Handwrite Your Vows

Yes, really. Write them down with an actual pen, a pencil, or the only Razzle Dazzle Rose crayon you can find. Here’s why:

• A handwritten vow feels more intentional and personal.
• It makes a sweet keepsake. Your vow booklet will become a treasured part of your wedding day.
• Writing by hand helps you remember the words better (less chance of blanking out mid-ceremony).

And hey, it looks good in wedding photos. Imagine holding your vow booklet, words scrawled in your own handwriting, promising forever. That’s a moment worth preserving.

Step Five: Add Stories, Promises, and Personality

Here’s where your vows really come alivvvvve. Use your notes to weave together a mix of stories, promises, and those one-liners only your partner will truly appreciate.

• Tell a story: Share a snapshot of your love story. Maybe it’s your first date. Picture the two of you sitting under an animatronic jaguar with mange at the Rainforest Café in the Mall of America. Or maybe it’s that road trip where a herd of roaming buffalo in the national park freaked you both out.
• Make promises: These don’t have to be lofty. “I promise to try to eat the majority of your questionable cooking” or “I promise to support your dreams, even when they scare me” are just as powerful as “I promise to take care of you in sickness and in health.”
• Keep it personal: This isn’t about impressing guests. It’s about showing your partner what you love about them, in your own words.

Need inspiration? Look at wedding vow examples online, but please don’t copy. The most moving vows always come straight from the heart.

Step Six: A Little Practice Can Do A Lot of Good

Once you’ve drafted your vows, give them a test run. Read them out loud. Better yet, ask a trusted friend or family member to listen. This isn’t about critique. It’s about catching awkward phrasing, checking the flow, and making sure your promises land the way you want.

Reading aloud also helps you:

• Spot tongue-twisters you didn’t notice on paper.
• Practice pacing (remember: less than two minutes).
• Shake off some of the jitters before your wedding day. 

The more you practice, the easier it will feel when you’re standing in front of your future forever squeeze.

Step Seven: Remember, It’s Not a Contest

Please repeat after me: your vows are not a competition. Your vows are not a competition. There’s no trophy or metal for the funniest, the most moving, or the most Instagrammable. Woof. Vows are about expressing love the way you feel it. If that means heartfelt promises, great. If it means a few lighthearted jokes mixed in, also great. Who doesn’t want a little laugh? What matters is that your vows reflect you and your love.

A Wedding Vow Template to Kick Things Off

Still feel like you’re in the weeds? That’s fine. Breathe in. Now, breathe out.  We’ve got you. Here’s a simple wedding vow template you can mold into your own voice:

1. Start with a memory or story about your partner.
2. Acknowledge what you love about them today.
3. Make 3 to 5 promises (serious, playful, or whatever feels like you).
4. Reference your future together.
5. Close with a heartfelt statement, something you know will stick with them forever.

Think of this template as scaffolding, not a script. Once you’ve got the framework, that’s when you add your special blend of herbs and spices (your personality and love story).

Final Thoughts: The Art of the Vows

Writing your own vows can feel intimidating, but it’s also one of the most meaningful things you’ll do on your day. Remember these things: 

• Start with a vow booklet and collect your thoughts.
• Agree on tone and length with your partner.
• Use the past-present-future method for easy flow.
• Add personal stories and promises that reflect your love story.
• Practice out loud to ensure you make a smooth delivery.
• Chill. Don’t treat it like a competition.

Traditional wedding vows are classics for a reason. They’ve stood the test of time. But personal vows? That’s where you get to color outside the lines. (Hello, Razzle Dazzle Rose.) Writing your own promises lets you celebrate your love story in a voice only you have, with quirks, humor, and heart baked in. Whether it’s “I promise to love you forever” or “I promise not to eat the last slice of pizza,” personal vows give you the freedom to say what matters most, your way.

So grab some paper, jot down what you love about your partner, and start shaping the promises that will carry you through the rest of your life. Your wedding day deserves words that feel like your story. And now, you’ve got everything you need to write them.

Ready to get married? We’re here to make it simple, memorable, and 100% about you. At Simply Eloped, we take the stress out of planning so you can focus on what really matters: your love, your promises, and maybe that epic first kiss. If you’re dreaming of vows in the mountains, by the sea, or in your own backyard, we’ve got the tools, resources, and team to make it happen. Contact us today and let’s start crafting your big day.